It’s pretty common, even stereotypical to believe that marriages fail to sexual indiscretions. Hester’s stigmatic red A might not be so ubiquitous if one were to consider even deeper relational infractions than breaking the chastity barrier, not the least of which is the acrid disappointment that festers in our brain when we find our partner has once again fallen short of expectation. Nowhere near the severity of adultery, but most relationships don’t go terminal at the moment of infidelity. No, that malignancy may have happened long before the two of you ever met.
Much contributes to the ideals we garner about each other. Our parents set certain standards either by compliance or omission, and media certainly have established relational mores, many of which are based on gender roles that culturally are expected to play out through matrimony. There’s nothing wrong with gender roles and expectations until someone gets disappointed.
It’s a foregone conclusion that the person you divorced is not the person you married. Or maybe not, perhaps that just dawned on you. Either way, as long as at least one of you adhered to the expectations established early in your relationship, and even earlier in your ideals, at least one of you has been disappointed, repeatedly.