Whatever it was that got you here, there’s not much left to do with those reasons. You’ve decided, or someone decided for you that your marriage is ending. If you’re the latter, it doesn’t really matter how you feel, the cleave is there without your consent, perhaps without you even knowing. I can think of no worse way to be blind-sided.
If you’re the former, the divorcer, you have your reasons and they’ve delivered you to that precarious precipice. The reasons become rules, perhaps, for subsequent relationships. You know better now than ever what you want and what you don’t want, what you’ll endure and what you won’t suffer. The trick for the grace of divorce is to remember those rules.
The precipice is the change and the enigma. It’s as simple as dividing titles and as complicated as dividing time with dependents. What a ridiculous term. From this point, typically, children become the collateral damage of the divorce decision. Separating for reasons outside of abuse, from irreconcilable differences to infidelity, if there are kids involved, someone is going to get hurt, even with the best intentions. Their lives will be punctuated with that median before divorce/after divorce.
That’s okay. Fortunately for adults, children are more resilient and adaptive than big people.
It’s precarious for these very reasons; you and your kids. No kids? Then not all of these words will apply. This blog is written for the new single-parent and the person about to become one, stepping out of old paradigms established by religion and family, culture and the psychology of expectation, archaic values and enduring hope, or false hope as your case may be.
This is written for you, the risk-taker who has decided that life can be better, that it’s time to take yourself back, that you are better than this, that you want to be happy, that you can use the grace of divorce to get where you want to be. You’re done settling, putting up, faking, enduring, suffering.
Despite this impetus, divorce has a bad rap. Even though half the population goes through it, culture and society still denounce it, people still disparage it and those whose names land on the front page of the decree.
And it’s time for that to stop.