cost/benefit

A sidebar to Derailleur.

So, I’ve done the cost/benefit on that last post. On the last twelve for that matter. I do on everything I write on ImNoSaint. I’ve been asked by several readers why I posted number twelve, while no one said a word about number five. So, here you go.

Cost – nothing, really. Vulnerability. Disclosing a few too many personal circumstances that you could’ve lived without, even though I can’t. I don’t have that choice.

Benefit – there’s the notion that my experience might make someone, a prospective missionary, a prospective missionary’s mom or dad, seriously consider what it means to enter the mission field, despite the protection from the Lord.

There’s the cautionary tale, the accidental empathic context that has brought forward a frightening number of returned missionaries who have suffered some form of rape on their mission. Elders.

There’s facing the excruciating paradox that people, even my own family, would rather believe me a liar, than accept that I have been raped with an object by two men.

And there’s the underlying intent to explain why I would, after a young lifetime of complete acceptance, dedication and devotion to a religion, leave it with prejudice, the very reason this thread of posts is called Derailleur.

I’m glad you asked – and I understand the sincerity and caring of the query – mainly because I don’t think I would have thought to write and post this otherwise.

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