deciding to live

Seldom a day goes by where I don’t make the decision to keep on living. That is difficult to admit here, but I’m guessing not all that surprising. I have and will probably always feel the old, familiar, intense and deep sadness and depression, emotions as akin to me as love and even joy. That... Continue Reading →


My Hamster Wheel on Two Wheels

This A/B living is interesting in what it does to my psyche. A being home in SLC and B being back in StG. It’s the transitions that give my noodle pause, the in-between, the commute where time and miles are now measured in thoughts instead of per-hour. Thoughts like hoping the lawn hasn’t overgrown beyond the mower’s approach, or I told... Continue Reading →

gentlemen’s club

There’s a term that should be removed from the current vernacular on sexual harassment, sexual misconduct and sexual abuse. It’s a word pushed into some kind of placebo to assuage these issues, but as long as we keep using it we will not make any progress on the underlying gender issue of equality. That term... Continue Reading →

brain damage

There are little black smudges throughout my house, not everywhere, just on the door frames of the bathroom and the back outside door, the handle of the fridge, the microwave door and the lever of the kitchen faucet. These appear anytime I’m working on a machine. Lately that’s been two - a motorcycle and an... Continue Reading →

worse than cancer

I’m going to try to write my way through this and for some reason you’ve decided to be along for the ride. You can stop anytime. A friend posted on Wednesday morning that this is worse than cancer, this being the outcome of the cluster-candidacy we endured for a year and a half. And being... Continue Reading →

kicked out of Pride

Yesterday at St. George Pride I was asked by a colleague why I was attending and while I was mentally scrambling for some sound reason, I realized I didn’t need one. Instead, I had an impetus and an epiphany sparked by the event’s hashtag, #lovelouder. Years go I was asked by a filmmaking friend to... Continue Reading →

you be hatin’ the wrong way

A student dropped by my office yesterday to tell me about what happened to him a few days ago. He was walking along the street that borders the north of our campus, and he was walking while black. An older SUV with a Confederate flag waving from behind approached him, and the passenger leaned out... Continue Reading →

as if the inevitable was not

The second time my valentine fell out of its natural cadence I was in a cardiac care unit, which is exactly where you want to be when your heart fails. If it weren’t for the erratic beeping and alarms from the telemetry, it would have been more of a peaceful threshold experience, one that would... Continue Reading →

from prerogatives to convictions

I hosted another Community Conversations television program the other night, the same night as the republican candidates debate with Tump in absentia. I wish I could say that was a permanent condition, but I digress. Our show was a town-hall type, where we introduce a topic and talk about it with folks from our local... Continue Reading →

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